|
|
|
[posted on June the 21st] |
[ SPAM + EMAIL + TEXT + VOICEMAIL + SURPRISES ]
|
|
|
| Brain matter.....tampered with |
[posted on January the 24th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 not great |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cartoon Network |
] |
Watching cartoons is the next best thing to do on Sundays. No thinking is involved. Watching garbage television in general requires not much thinking to begin with so I'm with this shit. Too much thinking is hurting my brain something fucking serious and I say this the nicest way possible. I'm awfully tired and exhausted. It's not from just one source it a combination of shit that maybe it's time to reevaluate. Whenever I pull myself together to do so then sure I'll get to it. Right now not so much. Being a man of character and all that other bullshit has me wondering where do I pull this energy from to perform such tasks. Take care of my family. Work. Think and plan for everyone else so their life can remain comfortable. Where do I get the energy? I think majority of the time I'm in robot mode. Everything almost is on autopilot. It makes operating that much easier. The only time I'm not in that mode is when I'm home with G or Val. I can't even begin to describe how tired I am and it's starting to impact my health I feel. I'm not feeling really well or in the best of moods half the time. That sucks. It really does. To the point that I want to find some time to spend with just G and myself, but ugh. What type of dude would I be always down and out? That shit rubs off onto people. Us time. I mean shit, we usually try to make out ..I mean you know do more than that but make the time when we can.
Being a parent and that much is complicated than most would think. Now very much it's become that real. I once entertained the idea that it was okay for Val to be on the pee wee league. Now? Fuck. I can't even wrap my mind around her doing anything close to a contact sport. Are you fucking nuts kid? I can't bring myself to even say maybe. And she's good. She's real good with trying to work someone over to get what she wants. There might be a strategic means for her making the person believe it'll benefit everyone. In actuality it doesn't. I'm not going to lie about this but being freaked out is at an all time high. If my babygirl is harmed in anyway, then who's to blame? I felt that would be the same when she broke her arm. Dude, being helpless? Unable to make that accident better? With no control to try and solve the problem did it for me and I felt so fucking horrible. Really bad. Too bad that I was scared to let her do the simplest of things like color. I swear. Color, Ben? That shit isn't harmful at all. Well what if it is? What if a piece of the crayon, marker, or whatever medium she decided to use poked her eye out or something?
My points exactly and now this kid wants to play football? You're nuts and that's no way around it. In a lot of ways this shit spooked me because I've seen myself in her. Which I've seen before but now it's at a point where that reflection of how I was as a young kid is sitting on my couch. Very frightening. You want to know why? Because I know how this picture will turn out. Broken bones, scrapes, cuts, and uh followed by getting into trouble. Harmless trouble, eh? I mean not..okay well no. Lots of juvenile trouble. Shit that kids shouldn't get into but apparently I did. And I was the mastermind behind a lot of shit. Ask Gentry about those days. I wasn't exactly the best influential kid to be around. Uhh. I just don't want her getting into trouble. Hurt. Or bring anyone else into her scheming. And believe me, Rush's know how to fucking scheme. That's all we're good at it seems. Scheming and yeah I'll stop there because our name is pretty much cursed. No I'm kidding. It's not cursed, but some times. It feels that way. Especially now. The shit that if any we're going through.
I'm dead ass tired and look I'm this far into this shit. You know why? Because this is on autopilot. I'm not even thinking right now. I can't. Maybe subconsciously I am thinking. Ok. I'm thinking a lot which is why my head is starting to pound. Over analyzing this paricular part of life is killing me. I'm just tired again. Really tired and I need a break before I become a maniac. Ok, I'm there already but still. I'm not feeling great, and ..yeah so much complaining and not enough relaxing. It's Sunday. We don't do shit today so, do not do shit at all. I'll try but I know I'll get that one question pertaining to playing the fucking Wii. Maybe I'm like hormonal or something. Eh. I just know I need a hug or something. I just need..maybe prayer. I need something, shit. I'm going to try to sleep before this continues on and on and on and on and on and on. Then I'll be pissed that I've wasted so much brain power, time, and keystrokes on completing this shit. 5000
|
|
|
| Thinking about you |
[posted on November the 30th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Wish You Were Here + Pink Floyd |
] |
My punishment for not writing shit down lately has been being the one and only He-man. My bones are on verge of collapsing with so much weight. And you know what? That's all fine with me. No comedic timing going on right now because there has to be a seriousness sometime. Especially now. The holiday season is one that brings sweet frickin memories. Some of those memories are craptastic but right now I'm enjoying the ones I can create with ones I have in my life currently. There hasn't been a doubt about making certain moves at this point in my life. I want the best for my woman, and child. As well the best for the rest of my crazy family. Yes Dad included. Now moving back to the east coast, I feel that maybe there won't be these doubts that things won't be okay. For a while now, I've been taking in a lot of stress so Gen wouldn't worry herself about the position I sort of feel responsible of putting us in. I was promised with the move to San Diego, that there would be security in the job that I took a pay cut for. The benefits were the same but a little less than what I was making back in Chicago. Even my dad was having a difficult time with his own business matters so imagine myself trying to ask him for a kick down? Nah, it wasn't about to work out that way. I kept most of that shit to myself knowing that it was my job to begin with to keep things in order. I personally wanted to see Val and Gen happy but in some terms didn't think they were. By my own incapabilities by providing a level of comfort that they couldn't get while we were staying with Mom. I love that woman dearly but having to see her face day in and day out with her nagging, and telling me what a fucked up thing I was doing, all behind my back? I couldn't take it much longer. Yeah shit was moving slowly, and yeah I was juggling two jobs to save up so we all could be in or own home. It's just..I felt it was time to let go and go where the real money was going.
That plus other factors had us all make this second big move again. I still feel shitty for having to make such a decision, because there was a connection back in San Diego. I've lived there for some years before leaving for L.A. then Chicago. I really do not miss the windy city either but due was made in that place. I think these different experiences, whether it was me being a douche on going from one job to the next, or not exactly fulfilling what my parents wanted me to be, has given me a sense of not wanting to be in that place. I'm trying here. Trying to not fall back into old habits, because there's a family here. One that I can't see being without and that's me on my precious moment. Fuck. Whatever you want to call it. I think about my kid a lot. What steps or things done as a person will effect her. Then there's Gentry. That's my woman, the person who I never expected to have run into again. And these two came at a critical stage in my life. A time where there was no good outlook of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. All the time there was this constant degrading of me not owning up to much other than being that dude who would not be much of a bum. Now who wants to live up to that? Who wants to be around someone like that? I made these promises that are not farfetched and pray I stay true to them. This is why I work hard as I do and I do it for myself and most importantly my family. The one I have is great and I couldn't ask for more because being greedy doesn't get you anywhere but being shit out of luck. There are a few implications that might hurt me as a man, and it isn't anyones fault. It's just an unfair situation, that can teach of what has been given thus far is all that is needed.
I've tried to be there as a companion for G, when there was the news about some personal shit she wasn't too thrilled with. It almost killed me that she had to be moving with that pain. I can't feel what she feels but had to put myself there as someone more than just her guy so she could feel safe and shit like that. It was a weird atmosphere for a while. I was discouraged about not being able to help her get out of this funk. What a failure right? Normally we have this chemistry that I haven't had with any other broad before. And when we were younger, it was there. When we found each other initially, it was there. Now, it is there, only difference is I want it to be better than it ever was. Despite the inability to make this family grow with another thing 2 errah thing 3, her happiness as well as Val's really just comes first. I meant to speak to Nikki about the matter but I know the kid was dealing with her own shit. Much wasn't needed but when there aren't one person to help talk about it I just turned to the big guy upstairs. Yeah yeah, yuck it up. I haven't been to mass in years and don't plan on going but some times, man..there just has to be some form of validity by a different power that you can't get from another human being. Some of my pals I'll miss. My sis yeah I'll miss her crazy ass. Mom, not so much. That'll be worked out eventually but yeahhhhh. This new town might be what is needed. I can't say for sure if it's the place I want to raise a family in but it will do for now. There's always commuting back and forth for work in the city. I miss Pop's penthouse and will try to obtain a piece of that investment. That means brown nosing, right? Fuck. Screw that. I'll make a way some how. A getaway.
I'm sitting in this house right now wondering where to start. What to do and how to fix everything so the transition is as simple. A lot of our things that have been shipped hasn't arrived yet. I still have shit in Chicago that's in storage that I might want to just sell. Forget about it all and just continue to start new. New furniture, new everything. And a new flea collar for Sprinkles. That fucking rodent of a dog. He'll get a brother or sister soon as I find a cool breeder or something. The animals I can do but if it's anything like a rodent or a bird that shits everywhere? I cannot do it. I really can't. I ran from this big guy yesterday after snatching his Wii controller and game set that was on sale at Target. Blame the thrill of Black Friday. Thank God, G had the car running because this man was fast for a fat fuck. Really fast. 3AM waiting? I do not know what I was thinking agreeing to this scheme. Last year trying to shop for gifts, I got into a fight that wasn't real cool. This year I almost was ran over by a golf cart. It was a weird day overall but I feel that everything was checked off the list of shitastic things that we really don't need but all for the sake of it being on sale, it was purchased. I'm thinking about working out some plan with the owner of this place to lower down the rent some. It will help at least. Do odd jobs around here that needs to be done. I don't know but I'm tired of being a poor sap with this shit. 5000
|
|
|
| BEERS PLEASE?! |
[posted on September the 25th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 WWWWWWAfdhsdfsdfs |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Because of the Times + Kings of Leon |
] |
Look it here, an update. Normally time uses me up and spits me out. Who needs to sit at the computer and explain their daily crisis? I'm winded. Stressed. Horny as fuck. Hungry. Everything else under the sun and right now what I'm doing is expressing these problems because my head is going to explode. That or my heart will implode. Dude, what a sight that would be? Can you start foaming at the mouth? Automatically does the brain switch off? Isn't it like turning off a switch. Heart explodes. Boom. Brain shuts down and there you go sliding out of your seat or worse slumping forward while taking a shit on the can. What a terrible way to be found? Dead and full of shit. Excuse me, dead and less full of shit. The inner slacker in me called in with the flu. So that means at some point or another I will contract the flu because I faked being sick? If so okay it wouldn't be so. Got my flu shot already. Then my boss called back asking about how I was going to make up x amount of hours that would be missed. I haven't called him back because maybe that was my sign to tell him that I won't be ever coming back. Bad idea? Maybe not but this double pay cut shit is costing a lot of unecessary crap. Ok, I'm used to living under the income line say that I was bringing in while in Chicago. The damn white collar industry isn't bullet proof either so it's just a case of sticking it out. One thing is for certain is that dude, I'm not the only person to think about. There's Gen, Val, Sprinkles, Bently the big stuff teddy bear, Barbie, Ken and his Ocean's 11 pals, and myself. That's a lot of fucking people to take care of.
It isn't like we have our own place. No sir. Mom is the landlord, and we're the tennants. I'm sick of her talking all the damn time about ...every little...thing. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Her voice is like claws of a bobcat tearing up my flesh. WTF? Benjamin Elliot Rush...will you please keep it down? Mama is exfoliating.. What in God's earth does noise have to do with exfoliating? WTF is exfoliating anyways? Then ohhhhh man, these fucking little twerps who keep stopping by. The pool boy, landscaper, and the plumber. Mom are you screwing these losers? If she is I'm sick as hell right now. There's more. Oh there is so much more but I will leave that for another time. Man I'm just ready to burst at the damn seams. Can anyone understand this? Explode and tear things into small pieces. Ripping up phonebooks and cardboard boxes unfucking folded. Can you understand that? Huh? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? DO YA? Eughhshdflskjdf.
· Concealed · In some oddly bittersweet news, as my predictions happened...Gentry might be with child. As some all know I would like another kid around. Cool? Man oh man this is worse to know or not be sure. And it is another thing to know whether or not you can provide for everyone including Barbie and her hosband. Yeah that's correct hosband. Ken is a ho and has bagged all of Barb's friends. I forget all of their names but that's aside from the point. Ok I should be happy and jumping around the house. I can't. I can't actually do that because officially not having the means of making sure everything is comfortable for everyone else is freaking me out. I'm freaking out over here. Can't you tell? I think people can tell. She can tell. My oldest...can tell. Even the damn dog can tell and that shithead isn't intrusive when it comes to my well being. One thing and with that being said, what am I going to do if I leave this overbearing firm? Working for nothing. This is what my buddy must have felt before they gave him the pink slip from Pepsi. Dude, driving trucks for one of the largest beverage corporations? Not that truck driving might bring in a lot of bread but shit he was feeding his family of six off of that one gig alone. Not to mention the side hustles. Unmentionable really. You know what it really is? I can be comfortable enough as a man to say this. I AM FUCKING SCARED. There. Better. I felt better. Acutally I still feel like shit but oh man.
Uh I offered to go with the miss to the doctors to get tested and what not. I don't half want to go but really need to know. We need to know. I think Vegas screwed us over and I can't remember all what happened there. It was...unmentionable. What happen in Vegas stays in Vegas, eh? I really don't want to remember that but I bet it was fun while it all lasted. Wtf? Back to this errah possible baby business. That's enough fucking pressure to be a half good father then to take on another one? Be top provider? Maybe I was in over my head when I asked Gen not to worry about finding a job. I really want everyone to be happy. Happy and dysfunctional because growing up we were just fucking dysfunctional. And I can't speak for Nicolette but she must have been a hellraiser while living with Dad. Speaking of him. We had a falling out and for some reason he cut back on that extra doughlege. It's not a real word so just work with me here. We have to move out of this house soon or I might blow. That and get ready for the inevitable. Not to mention this talk about marriage? AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Mom left a lengthy lengthy letter about having this feeling of this news. Is she a pyshic now? I'm confused about it all but don't push me to make such a decision when there are still things that we need to find out about one another.
Sure it's a sweet idea but no not now. And especially not because oh ok my woman might be knocked up. That would explain the binge eating she does at night but uh I don't know of anything else. It could just be a false alarm. I feel really terrible for wishing it won't be. Just because I'm not actually ready to face all of the things that I wasn't there before to witness. Pregnancy and everything after. Then that just makes me seem selfish and where is the room to be selfish nowadays? I'm ready to plant my face in a pair of store brought bosoms but that might get me a knife stuck in my side. Bad idea, unless it's G's funbags. I'm really really really..I just need to get laid. That's all then everything will be back to normal and fine. Right? Of course and as for this small piece of a reminder. I'm done. Feeling sick too. Is this what morning sickness feels like? · End ·
I'm going to head downstairs in the basement and thrash around. Crowd surf with the stuff animals and shit to that effect. It works. Protects me against the cement when I fall. Metallica or Black Sabbath before going to sleep. I might just sleep outside again and wake up in the bushes wondering how I got there in the first place but that would require getting shitfaced? Only asking these questions but I should just take my ass to bed and hope for the best tomorrow. Nicolette I might need that thousand for security purposes and a hook up at that job of yours. Not the new one but..nevermind. 5000
|
|
|
| WoOzeRs! |
[posted on August the 14th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pooped & tanned |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Love Game + Lady Weirdo |
] |
So I was saying to my new boss that maybe we do need to halt on this bumming at mom's and find ourselves a lovely nest of our own. Putting that to the side. You know what grinds my gears? Waking up to watching Paula Dean on a Saturday morning. GAH! Is she trying to kill her audience and the many viewers that enjoy her show? I for one don't have reason to cook but sneesh any more visuals of butter and double fried shit I might have to look into an early appointment with a cardiologist. Doc, uh I think my heart might fail in say...five weeks? Clogged arteries, a failed valve or two. I suppose the chambers are fucked as well. What's the best proceedure to cure this heart disease? Ahh yes I can't wait to see the physician. Life expectancy of Ben....30 years of age. That's basically the life expentancy of a male from the victorian era, eh? Pilgrims and the like? Maybe before then. I'll ask my handy dandy app. IPhone you royally suck like rotten ostrich eggs. Smell you very much. Ok as random as this whole catastrophe of personal expression via the grand ye journal I find it difficult to be still enough to mention what a great last minute trip to San Diego! Wooooooo fucking weeee! Gnarly and what not. I get to surf every single day that I can and show off this beautiful taco chest meat the misses loves. She doesn't but pretends. Which by all means as long as the attention is on me then I am fine. So we're staying with mom for the moment. She's this close to getting on my shit list like Pop Rush but the thoughts of wanting to smother her with a pillow is on hold. Ehh, you would want to do the same if you walk into a home that was given in the divorce only to be shared with young men barely your age. Knowing that they're shagging your mom. Grossss. Ahhgghghg. I tossed up that hot pocket in my mouth a bit.
Just last night she had a date with some hotshot up and coming lawyer. How do you think that made me feel? Like crap. Crap and a whole lot of shit because wow look at this chump making more strides than me. And I'm the woman's son. First son I might add who took a long time to come into his own. Great, right? Maybe not but that's not the point. The point is...I really don't have one besides the fact that its yucky that the woman is considered to be a cougar and has the gonads to flaunt this guy around like they're about to walk down the aisle any day. I bet the old man river has something to say about it because it had been a rumor that the two were getting back together but I figured that it never would be. They're too different of people to ever be conjoined in holy matrimony again. False, fake, lies, and a contract held them together for as long as they were. That isn't the example I want Val to see or know about. Maybe there's this pressure of uh being the prodigal husband but nahhhhh I'm dwelling on what uh this family I have going currently and where it can go. Speaking of holy matrimony...when the heck is Nikki and that guy getting hitched? Lies. Its never going to happen and the things I know about this slore angel is enough to floor a soul. My god what the hell is going on? All that can be done is to give support despite wanting to puke up your guts over it. God speed, kid. God speed.
What else grinds my gears? Not able to soak up the sun 24/7 when there's a job calling with your name over it. New employer. New office. New money but not without a pay cut. That was the deal in order for this great move to ever occur. Sucks but I wanted to have my family to grow and be near a place where I felt the most alive in. Pride and all that fuzzy shit you want foe your loved ones. Oh and yeah I think, Gentry is pregnant. Fish dreams. Uh a pal of mine said he had that dream. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Sorry, it was a joke. A bad one.
· Concealed · This entire trip is a bad joke. Things go awry and will continue to go that way if by any chance we all stayed in Chicago. Of all people to uh errah come to, Pop Rush was errah concerned enough let alone understood where I was coming from. I hate going to hi for some type of help but who would've told me to flat out run out of the city that was closing in on me? The bad thing about it all is uprooting Val and Gen since we just moved into that nice pad. Oh sneesh I feel so god awful just leaving under a short notice but it had to be done. When no one could see what dumb fuck of a trouble that was surrounding me I had to depart. Not for myself but to save my family. I went to Dad with the idea that he should help me out of this bind that I dug myself deep into. Ok. I did some things to help smooth shit over as far as lving was concerned since I didn't want to have hand outs given to me and fingers pointing in my direction as if Ben man can't support himself or his family. I can, you know? Maybe there needed to be help along the way where hustling people in the hall couldn't put that extra bread into the bills and what not. Uh so yeah. Nic the bad friend that he is gave me the connection to these chaps I had done some under the table work for. Driving around people to some destinations. Mentioned that before but that one night my safe not so legitimate job went south when they wanted me to help pick up a few packages. Yes someone was killed and I am going to throw up my dinner the more I think about. Hey! I didn't do it! Someone else is but one problemo. They person that's done the thing wants to implicate me as the accessory to the crime. And shit there's no formal investigation but hearsay is causing the heat to look into shit I shouldn't be involved with. Ok I get that if things blow up that my ass is grass. Whoaaaa grass. I can use a good bong at the moment but wahaskdkdkdkfkefjgg. Thus far things have been kept under wraps besides that misleading robbery. Ok no one robbed me nor jacked that car. Errah. Damn Gen for getting her police friends involved. So much that a close confidant of yours truly has given me the word that the pigs were close to seeking me out. Woahhh.
Shit man. What am I going to do? Continue pretending or tell this woman something before I'm gone. At least there isn't a bounty over my head. Maybe there is...damnit. Lets hope not? Dad promised some security for now and mentioned there's an old friend of his that owes him a favor. Hell he owes me a favor after helping him out at his fucking firm. Things that are unspeakable have been going on and he was close to being royally audited by another company. Anywho I got this job which is just like what I've been doing back in Chicago. Nervousssssss. I haven't started the job yet. Will soon but really the excuse of being moved from one post to the other sounds farfetched. She thinks I got pay cut instead of losing my job completely. Which is partial truth. I'm really nervous, man. Really nervous because this woman isn't a numnut at all. Very intuitive but man I'm sweating bullets writing about this. Ok, Ben you are safe. Everyone is safe. Hail Mary full of grace. I haven't been to mass in years whoa. · End ·
Man was it dinner that has my stomach rumbling? Ah uh sneesh. I lost my thought process so errah you know?? I'm going to bed. Call me or something. Surfs up, hang ten. Word. 5000
|
|
|
| Will You Take Your Lawfully Wedded... |
[posted on July the 7th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused & drunk? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Seventeen + The Sex Pistols | My Heart Will Go On + Celine Dion |
] |
Who slipped Celine Dion into my iPod?! Fucking a. There's a ghost lurking around this abode and when I catch it then that will be the end of these random out there craptastical songs. Speaking of songs, I checked tv one night and thought to myself...Self wouldn't there be a sick way of introducing guests on these night talk shows? Conan, Leno, and who's that other prick on ABC? Him, they could nix the band. Have dj instead who cranks out the oddest tunes. Indie shit, of course. Real obscure that the audience has no choice but to stare at the host. Hell stare at the dj. Boo him and as well as the guest. I think the guest wouldn't appreciate it but who the hell cares? Most guests are a bore aside from the host digging in their lives by pulling up gossip or rumors that more than likely are true. I believe half the shit and that's only because it's not anything unheard of. Most of the shit made up is 99% better than anyone's boring life. We're indeed the losers and those are the winners. No matter how horrible their lives under the microscope seems to be. Hasn't it ever occurred to you why we buy into the tabloids? The E! news? I watch it religiously and well Chelsea Lately but the broad's face is horrendous. Or is it just me? Meth..heh sorry. She's funny and her round table but anyways the purpose for me not being lazy to write is to address a few crazy things. First off, I still can't believe the shit that's going on around Chicago. Since when has this become the second Hollywood? Let's get it together citizens. Stop with the tom foolery and leave that elsewhere. Makes me want to try a stunt and get famous for it. Could you honestly imagine...yours truly with his face all in the papers like WAT BIATCH?! ( Hahaha! ) I don't know about Chicago right now. Ok it's not the city as one whole but a cluster of fuck ups that's the problem. I advise anyone moving here to not fall victim. As that goes, this weekend was a pretty sweet one. Lit fireworks and nearly burned a finger off. Classic. Opened up a can on this clerk at 7Eleven because he wouldn't give me my change back and nearly overcharged me on a slurpee. You asswad, wtf is your malfunction? He was lucky my kid was with but that wouldn't have stopped me. I mean ok it did. New times Ben. New times, same channel. Hey I cooked for the first time without burning down anything. Thank George Foreman and his selections of grills. Easy to use. Easy clean up. And ten times healthier than that shit from McDonalds. Or whatever your preference is in burgers. I could use one from Fuddruckers right about now. Ahhh clogged artery heaven. Anyways oh of course another great event happened. Weddings. Well only one and in this case...I hate to say it. I never thought in all of my short time knowing this woman that she would tie the fucking knot. How about a round of applause everyone. *Cues applause here* Hahaha. Damn Killa Kam got married?!! That's obscene, man. Not exactly but hey if it makes you that happy then congrats. Really I could have gotten shitfaced and interrupted someone's speech at the reception but I played it cool. Besides, G threatened to cut me. So no thanks ma'am.
And this entire marriage season has me thinking. Mr. Rush could you see yourself walking that beautiful lady of yours down the aisle? Or anyone for that matter? Nope. Uh sike? I don't know. That's the thing. Most people look to marriage as a business transaction, pregnancy, love, security, spontaneity, and whatever the hell just insert it here. If I were to do so, would it be with the one you love now? Possibly. It's a stretch but possibly. G-dub knows how much I'm soooooooooo in love with her. Yeah fucking precious moments. But besides the fact that might not mean that we'd be together in the long run. Don't ever make the mistake and look so far in the future that you forget about the present. That's where it's at. Leave the past alone unless there are lessons you would like to learn from but the present. There is nothing like the present and I can preach about it. Well not exactly preach but uh explain that when you work at the present things will be solid for the future. As one funny old toothless bastard told me, always...damn. He didn't say much but asked for change. I gave him that change and kept it moving. Back to this whole wedding hoopla. If I know the old lady..I mean lovely Queen by now I would know she wouldn't be into the whole big expensive dress up party. That's all it is.
I think she would want some type of nuptials on a beach. Fucking surfing, dude. Could you imagine? Surf swagging on all you basic broads. <------ I learned that today. BASIC BROADS. In other news I could see uh Valentina wearing some contraption she would call her dress. Damn who would be this woman's bridesmaids? That one friend who was kind of chunky around the waist, and maybe Nicolette? I'm afraid of that actually but I would probably have my boys parlaying like the true PIMPs they are booing me on while I make an honest woman out of this woman. Pop Rush would be there and even his PYT of the week. They change like revolving doors. He slays me all the time. Like old fart, stick to one broad. Please. But egh moving on. Yeah so the one proceeding the wedding would be Pauly Shore. Don't ask me how he would be able to do it but this is just my take on what would happen. Hell it's my thought process. I think a band would be in the background. Some eighties type cover band. Hell they would have to play AC/DC. Can't have anything without a bit of Back in Black. Shit rock on. I think by this time Benji Jr. would be running around getting caught up in the sand like his old man used to. Hopefully he won't follow the tide and end up floating away in the ocean. Real fucking bad idea. And I would never string my kids up with those leashes and shit. Time out.
What kind of fucking parent put's leashes on their kids? Seriously, ma'am. Lady are you that out of tune that you have to wrangle your youngsters on leashes? WTF???
Time in. But yeah it would be real cool and I'd invite everyone but a one time fee of 59.99 would have to be collected. The reception will be fucking nuts, dude. Seriously I would get really drunk because I could. I think Mom would disown me by then but who the hell cares? It's the wedding of the century and my imagination. But really, I wouldn't be involved with that planning shit. Whatever happens, happens. If it doesn't it doesn't. If it does, it does. I'm done ranting with this shitastic entry except for the fact that my sis is staying with us. Very disappointed that she isn't getting married. I would have loved to act like the asshole that I could be at that event. Man, getting wasted and talking all types of crazy shit? She would have killed me for sure but we're dysfunctional like that. That is how we roll. And I'm rolling off to bed before I get locked out of the room again. 5000
|
|
|
| I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! |
[posted on May the 25th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bed ridden |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
snoring & Sprinkles barking |
] |
Gah I haven't went to bed so early in a long time. 11:30 at night?! That's absurd. My body aches. My head aches. My stomach is rumbling. FEED MEH! Aye, don't feed me. I'll grab a hot pocket or something similar to it. Pizza rolls. For breakfast that is. This bed is awesome. More awesome if you get to share it with someone else. Finally I remembered what goes in this shit. Yeah well nothing is new. My sister is gone off somewhere traveling. I was hoping to attend a wedding but now and days things aren't going to plan. She's traveling living the not so square life. Good riddance. Here in Chicago is a bit.....odd. Shacking up.....is odd. Odd in a an annoying good way. A swell well. Springing such a heavy option onto someone is bound for rejection. In my case it was not an option. Not when you want to see your spawn and her mother live and breathe a little easier. I deeply care enough about their well being that it took me some time to bring up the idea of all of us moving into one big place. At the beginning of this journey, I wasn't positive about this entire parenting gig. I wasn't too sure about becoming that one woman man. Hahaha. I made it you mark ass tricks. That went out to the broads who were being tempting on purpose. Hey and on a side note, stop asking these broads to marry you when it won't work out in the end. That is what's wrong with everyone these days. Jumping the gun when you're not sure what the hell you're doing in the first place. An expert I am not, but an observer most times. Honestly I don't give a few fucks but whatever. A place was being looked for in the past month with G until I went ahead and found one. Its a big steep from what I've been used to dishing out bread for but its what we all want. Near the river and shit. I guess selling ass will have to happen at some point in order to have some extra cash for utilities.
I wasn't kidding about that either. What is it today? Memorial day? I say we go cook out somewhere or crash a few backyards. They probably won't mind if that happens as long as food is brought along. Nah I rather not do much after completing all of that damn unpacking. Then assembling beds that are made impossible to assemble in the first place. Have you ever been at a project so long that your mind just wears numb to the point you can't build the damn thing any longer? If not, cool. I just expected the shit to come together as quickly as everything else. Eventually it did after quitting and being suckered by that damn pout. Is that the deciding factor for kids getting what they want? Pouting and whining? I mean sneesh I pout when I can't get what I want but the pressure is different. Getting turned down is bound to happen or an excuse is given. One of those, ``Not now B. I've got to...um my Aunt is hanging around longer than expected...`` I won't say any names. Lies, all lies. Damn it. What's happening today? Nothing. I'm not moving from this post. You won't see me stretching about without a shirt on or burning things up in the nice kitchen. I am deathly afraid of using the microwave. That shit is soooooo sick. I'm not taking a shower, nor will I be persuaded into watching Young and the Restless with a seven year old. Why consume so much crappy soaps? I mean so what if I used to waste away my afternoons watching the ills of some false city in the middle of nowhere, where people are passing around their lovers as if it wasn't much that one broad was just last married to this dude who was seeing so and so. Its confusing after awhile and my attention span is lacking as of late. Although I will dabble into a game of Guitar Hero for a few hours. Get in that practice for the air guitar championship or battle however you want to look at it.
The kid and I watched the east and west finals in the past few days. Gave her a good excuse to stay up late but almost...almost I was convinced to tune into late episodes of the Jonas Brothers. I don't get it. Whatever happened to the days of The Mickey Mouse club? Who knows. I think shit is hilarious when you're being schooled in who's the starting five at the beginning of the first quarter. Why Lebron is lucky to have made the shot he did the other night. I never understood how Val knows so much about these players, including Wallace. What happened to his fro?! He switched teams and doesn't have that damn fro anymore. I don't know but I'm rooting for the Lakers to take it all. Hopefully the Cavs and Lakers can go at it. It makes for good television I suppose. It also doesn't make those Vitamin water or Nike commercials go to waste. Kobe vs. Lebron. People want to see that I guess. I live to listen to Charles Barkley shit talk during commentary. The old man is a riot. Whatever I'm making bets the next couple of games. Anyone in? Aside from that nothing else is happening around here. Summer is up, unofficially today but soon. I'm thinking a trip to Cali is still a go. Disneyland. Summer camp if I can get Val somewhere. She might dig some type of sport clinic. Not positive as to which one since she digs just about everything. Damn that over achiever makes her old mad proud. Precious moments but I'm not having these young twerpy punks visiting.
What else? That's all I care to share. I don't like speaking about my love life because it'll jinx it but shit is sweet. I hope it is. Any complaints? Leave one in the comment box and I will happily get back to you to address it. This rambling shall cease on my behalf but its funny as shit sometimes. Or at least I think it is. Anyways I need to put this laptop away and go back to sleep before anyone realizes that I have been up. Why does this damn dog have to be in here? Riddle me that gotdamnit! I can't stand his little itty bitty presence. Taking up my shine, man. This is my kingdom, you little shit....BLEAGHHH. He just shat on the rug!? I've had it. Fuck this. 5000
|
|
|
| Gunter glieben glauchen globen |
[posted on April the 24th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry and tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rock of Ages + Def Leppard |
] |
You can't blame a guy for tuning into his flashback of 80s music. I think everyone has been highly influenced by me bringing back the hits. Along with the cheesy hairbands. The wigs are awesome, ask Val. Tight ass pants that restrict you from ever contributing to kids. Big fucking dirty hair. Mullets if you like that sort of thing. Those awesome weird ass symetrically shaped guitars. Synthesizers!!!! Leather. Are you kidding me? What's not the 80s without leather? Leather, fringe, tacky ass stretchy pants? Not that I wore any of those materials because I was only a kid back then but you get the picture. Hahaha. Long time a coming to write in this thing. You know life is a funny creature one must take a look at before interrogating it with millions of questions. Months prior I have been angry for many reasons. Now, not so much. Why waste time being mad at the world, when you can help yourself to focus on something more eh should I say great? For example, the loves of your petty little life. That's a good frickin' one. How about being functional? You know having the ability to walk, and walk you shall.
Making moves, and shaking hands? Wherever that shit came from I'm sure it was helpful. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the step I had took made my nerves rattle. Rattle and rattle. So errah...I asked Genny to move in. Not in the place I stay now but errah the one we've been looking for? Her, the kid, and myself. Promised I'd walk around shirtless. So it's a win/win. I hate transporting from one place to the next. Spending the night? Why do all of that traveling when I could be right in the fondation. Booyah! No more late night bootycalls visitations. Hahaha. I'm joshing but serious. Seriously, and seriously I feel this is the greatest thing that I can ever do. Not too ready for the big M word. I see all of these losers jumping the gun, buying up thousands of dollars worth of rings, and some may not make it down the aisle. This I assume is happening. But what about those bridezillas?! Sheesh. Give me the gun so I can put myself out of my misery. That I can't deal that. No way, man.
One weird dream that I had was about this broad who tried spitting game...to me at the movie cinema last month. She's a hottie but errah..wait this actually happened. Nevermind. I forgot where this was heading but aye I'm hungry. Hotpockets are yelling my name. BENJI!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO US! I betcha five will be dealt with. Is that too much? Five hotpockets at one sitting? I'm a hungry s.o.b. so sue me. Hotpockets and a brew. Goes well I might add but this running around in circles with words is frustrating. You want an essay? Well don't stick your nose here, man. So serious. Uh I don't know where Nikki is but something is telling me that there won't be a wedding to act like a druken ass to. Sucks. That really does because I was looking forward to it. The kilt, most definitely had me going. Errah but Mom might ban me. Speaking of the old bat, she's visiting this week coming and I'm hiding. I suppose she wants to see the spawn in person, which I doubt. She cannot stand to know that she is a granny. Hahaha old hag. I'm leaving before the microwave blows up. Home Hunting tomorrow A.M. Be there or be cubed. 5000
|
|
|
| ¬ BB | S h o w c a s e ¬ Fuck THEE World! |
[posted on March the 8th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
A Horse With No Name | Ventura Highway + America |
] |
La la la la la la. I've been through the desert on a horse with no name. Kidding me? It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert you can remember your name cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La, la ...Get the point? I want to so break this table. Slam a chair right into it. Like, FUCK YOU TABLE! FUCK YOU FOR BEING AN INANIMATE OBJECT! Then politely walk away. Can't tell you what is going on because I've downed too many bottles. Lights. To keep away those carbs and errah. Shit. Coors, Bud, Colt 45, Miller, Samuel Adams, Corona, Guinness, Busch, Heineken, and let's stop there. Imports are fucking awesome too. Why hasn't anyone brought me to Oktoberfest? My buddies don't care so that's a good reason. Yeah can't remember the last time I hung out with anyone besides those from the office. Uhm minus the secretary. I have to watch out for that one. Sorry G, but she's hot. But don't fret mon ami. You're the only broad for me. That rhymes. Yep. And wait. Getting a call. .....................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Nevermind it was some dickwad asking for money. I'm not a bank. Not Fort Knox. I wish I had bread fatter than...ugh. I have bread. The dinero. Pesos, my friend. Money to make everyone happy, including the sunshine of my life. I can dig that song by Stevie. That was him, correct? Correct it if I'm wrong. And this is going on in circles of unknown waters. Passages to drive deeper into my psyche in order to figure out what's bothering Sir Benjamin. Makes sense? Si? Si, senor. These weeks are going by slow. Too slow that I can't stand it. I hate winter. I hate having to feel cold. I miss warm weather. Lets just go back to Cali. Settle there and forget about everything here in Chicago. CHI TOWN! Heh. Fugettaboutit. Lately I wonder if I'll turn up in one of the lakes, just a floating. Blop blop blop. Gah. Nevermind.
· Concealed · I hate keeping secrets. Showing that there's nothing going on when it is. I hate not remembering what has happened. Did I have blood of another man on my hands, or was it all just a figment of my trippy imagination? Possibly the latter. I hope it's the latter, man. I'm too pretty to be in jail! Bad idea altogether but yep, I will be found soon. My car that was stolen has been found. I thought those dimwits covered their tracks like they said? ``Everything will be handled, kid. Go home. Rest up. Be renew for another night.`` Sloppy, eh? Could it be I'm not able to stand this anymore. Taking on one job after the other, when it's leading me to become this goon. A petty thug for what? More money? Pretty much so. I'm not happy, or happy about misleading Gentry. Coming late to things planned. Having Val question why I cannot be a reliable father. She actually said that. It made me pretty fucking low. Low low low. My bad, Flo-Rida was stuck in my head. Was it true? Did it all happen? I seen the hole in his head. Red stuff oozing out slowly. Then DARKNESS wrapped it's grimey little hands around my neck. Woke up with a slab of steak over my face, and two handlers feeding me stories to use.
Twilight zone. My weapon of choice is gone. Got rid of it. They did but Uhhm. Right. I have bad dreams now. Not too bad but ridiciously annoying. I think my nose just fucking clogged up. Sick. I don't feel well as it is, and thinking about sending someone to the afterlife is making me sick. Might puke up all the beer and pretzels consumed. Bleaaagggghhh. All over the nice rug. I can't sleep, man. Not like I would want to. Where's the ganja when you need it? Yeah so those two times I arrived ....make it more than two. There's this problem now and I how can it be fixed, eh? Where is the right help when you need it? In conclusion, it all rests upon my shoulders. It tis I who found myself in this building catastrophe, so it is I who must get out of it. The only problem is that I can't, I can't, I can't think of not. Gah. Ricardo, and Ernest haven't contacted me in days. I'm worried, man. What if they were brought in? I get ratted out, then what? >:| That is all. My family, man. The one that just magically happened, what will happen to them? I'm the one who's providing and.. · End ·
It's later than late. Day Light something or another. I should find that prick, Nic and break that face of his. Bad pal. My stomach is about to empty itself out so I should go take care of that, right? 5---
|
|
|
| ¬ BB | S h o w c a s e ¬ BLOW ME CARDINALS! |
[posted on February the 2nd] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
defeated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Purple Rain + Prince |
] |
Errah sticky caps. I spE...SpilLeD my fucking BeER on MY Phone. Phone. Joshing but eh, where's the cab? Can't drive while influenced by alcohol. No I am not a biligerent drunk. Spelled correctly? Benji should go back to school. School rocks my socks. Not exactly because I don't gel well with scholastics. Sports maybe. Lets talk about sports. Dear old dad wanted my career to lean towards a pro sport. Imagine me, Ben the heisman award winner back in those college days. Then getting picked up by some NFL team. Who cares which? As long as I played. Offense maybe. I'm not as big for the defensive line up on any squad. Since I was born a NY kid, money would have went with the Giants or errah The patriots. Fucking a. My digits are falling asleep. How can you keep up with typing on these crappy new devices. FUCK VERIZON! Fuck this late cab. Fuck your mom. Fuck the dude who just made a pass....no don't fuck him literally but...egh. Sick time is coming. Can feel it up from the pit of my stomach. Puke up all my guts like BLLEEEAAAGHHH. That's not I AM KING sexy. Suddano, don't be mad at me babe. I'll be home sometime before the sun is up.
Maybe get a hotel room down the street if this sonuvabitch doesn't hurry up. Hotel, motel, holiday innnnnnnnnn. I'm pissed at the moment. I want to strangle the bastard who ruined my means of winning that pot of bread. How can you lose out to a grand? AGranD damnit! Caps. A grand. That was going to go towards my kid's state of the art tea room? Wtf? A tea room. Yes. I got rid of Sprinkles so that shithead's room will be Val's tea room. Her birthday gift. Shit. When is her birthday again? I'll be damn. If it passed then what kind of pops am I? A bad one. Right. Says otherwise. Says otherwise. Dude, I think she wouldn't care either way as long as that room is complete but nah I never got rid of SPro...SpIKles...Sprinkles. Wtf? Sprinkles. Btw. Who names their dog Sprinkles? I don't get that concept. There was a point to this, but is there ever? Can't recall it but my drunken babble is a sure way of keeping me from knocking the teeth out from some guy's grill. I just have that urge to dink someone in the kisser. Cna can't do that now when your fingers are falling sleep and thumbs are sore from this typing. Small fucking keys, man. Seriously can it get any worse? Sure it can. Surprise, surprise cuffs haven't been tossed on my wrist. Yet the night is still young. Hahahah. Damn I need to take a leak bad too. TMI, bro. TM-fucking-I. Can't go on any more. 5000
|
|
|
| GAAHHHHHHHH, FUCKING TIRED! |
[posted on January the 15th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Aching |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fax Machine |
] |
Three hours down and seven more to go. 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around...98 bottles of beer on the wall. Fucking a. After these useless memos are faxed off to the next office, I'm going to hide in my office and sleep. Sleep is a sweet concept but bites when you don't have it. Lacking. It is reasonable of a fact that maybe I work too damn much or that I don't work enough? I can't stand some of the people around here, especially my Good old Dad. Quite sad that he still has remarkable game after all these years. He even has my broad swooning over him. That's bothersome. It must be the salt and pepper hair or that trademark Rush beard. Mine doesn't have the gray but hey its still a beard nonetheless. I have time now to uh express the thoughts of Benjamin. For now on, I would like to be referred to as Mr. Ben. Or Sir Benjamin for the more civilized crabs. Lame but where was I going with this? Ah yes. Complaining about working. Surprise, surprise. I haven't lost my job or quit thus far. I'm doing good, right? If the pink slip was passed to me, errah I think my family would be pissed off. I can see it now, even my kid might slay me with the no job banter. She's the main reason why I'm not being lazy and unemployed.
Sheesh, those days I miss. Slacking around and not doing anything. Eat, drink, sleep, shit, smoke, and play video games? Not in that order but you get the point. Those were the days. New year, new shit to get to. New everything. New ways to ring in the new year. For one you can better your health. Quit consuming processed foods and go au naturelle. If its spelled incorrectly, so what. I'm operating on lack of sleep, asprin, and old cold coffee. Which sucks by the way. Make better decisions than you made last year or the years prior to. Stop being a punk about situations and man up. I've learned that lesson but oh! Try this out. Form a tag team with your broad. It works, especially with experience on the force. Fucking hot, dude. Sad at the same time if she ended your battle, while you're in the corner bitching that blood is running down your nose and the shit is broken. I had one hell of a pimp slap for that bitch. WAP WAP! Its never a dull moment. Never is. What else should you do for the New Year? You might want to make sure that all of your finances are right. I know some's birthday is coming up and I want her to have one of those grand birthdays like on that show on MTV, eh? Or is that pushing it? Chuckie Cheeses? I heard their pizza was delicious. True? The downside to having a party there are the fights that happen between the adults. I would throw a party there just to see a fight. That would be fucking hilarious.
· Concealed · What is not fucking hilarious is dying on the job. Not the office job. The other job. Yep, that one. You know driving very important people isn't the most difficult thing to do. That's not the shakey aspect of it all. What is though, are the things that don't go according to plan. Not that it hasn't already but I feel it coming. This sneaking around and being careful sucks ass, man. Seriously, the shit can be boring on some nights. Luckily I don't have to be on call every night. There's a schedule and then there's just those special calls I have to attend to. I know one night, my shift was just getting off and I get these urgent calls from Val. I only told her to use that button when she was in dire danger or any scary shit like that. You want to think freak out mode? I did and come to find out that she just wanted me to get home in order to finish that damn wedding. Don't ask.
Now I had to sit and explain not to use the damn button when it wasn't serious. Gah, G was all concerned and I hate it when she gets that way. I don't need to keep her or Val on their feet as if something will harm them. So I had to play it off as being extra stressed because of work. In which I was but very different reasons. Anywho, tomorrow night I have this gig that I'm not looking forward to. I suppose its a close working client to Nic and shit. Like I don't go questioning these people but I heard its some made man's kid. I hope it isn't a kid literally but a grown up just needing to be taken from point A to point B. I'm in the belief it is the sign of trouble but I'm strapped with way. That's just the precaution to take. Damn cold cold world. Ehhhhhgh. I need to lay down and time out because thinking about this is spinning my cranium. · End
Should working out help? I need to be in Men's Health one day. Surfing will pump me back in shape but its sort of difficult doing that in a frozen ass lake. Imagine that? Chicago's weather bites, man. It really does and I'm here instead of Cali. We need to escape there sometime. Spring break? I bet no one would noticed that I'm old as dirt. I can blend it if I cut off this hair. Get cleaned again but fuuuugetttabout it. This shit keeps me warm and the lady happy. I hope so. Where's the damn mail clerk? This fax machine is like a fucking dinosaur. Slow. Slow. Old and slow. It must be me because shit is moving slow in a slug's pace. Ah! Finally. Its sent. 500000000000000
|
|
|
| MERRY CHRISTMAS LOSERS! |
[posted on December the 25th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
( G-Money )
( Little Sister )
( Nicky Boy )
There's plenty more where that came from. But I'm broke. Enjoy.
|
|
|
| Flight Hopping |
[posted on December the 21st] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sooner Or Later + NERD |
] |
Oh how I miss the California air. Surfs up and shit. Why can’t we have stayed there longer?! Fucking a. I would have a reason to shave my chest. G said she would volunteer. Secksi. Not like my chest is folded with taco meat but there's a nice amount there. It goes with the mountain man look. Just check out my beard. Pretty sweet, huh? Then the hair? It's like I really can give a few fucks if I shave or not. I hate looking clean. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty and slobbish. I pull it off well. That doesn't mean that I don't wash my ass. You have to remaine clean of course. Smelling like GAIN and soon enough some I AM KING cologne. Never smelt it but I'm waiting for the babes to jump on my neck. Uh..my bad. Only one babe. Does that stuff actually smell good? It's Diddy so hopefully it smells like something terrific. If not I'll demand a refund. Damn do I smell bad sometimes? No one else seems to complain. Maybe on the weekends but seriously it isn't that bad. The days of going without bathing for a week or so are now officially over. They have been for a while. This isn't the reason why I'm writing. There are other reasons but let's just get one thing straight. Delayed flights suck donkey balls. Plain and simple. That's just the shit we'll have to put up with come tomorrow.
New York City here we come! So I'm taking the mini family to New York for Christmas. Dad's pad is still in Manhattan and we're using that bitch up. He won't be there I'm thinking. I believe Nicolette is going still with her boyfriend. That's weird. Not in a bad way but weird that she's joined the fellowship of the square pegs. The leader isn't myself but..nah. It might be me. At least she isn't gunning for my lady. I wouldn't know how to handle that shit. The other girlfriends and boppers, cool. I learned that word today from somewhere. What the fuck is a bopper? G, Val, myself, and maybe Nikki and her dude I still haven't met should be heading. Unless she switched plans. I haven't spoken to her in some days now. Hopefully the kid is all jiffy. Speaking of Jiffy. Choosey moms choose Jiff. Hahaha what a fucktard. What was the point to this? Oh sheesh. I had to accompany G to L.A. to see her buddy. Which is my buddy's woman. Yeah it was tragic. I mean seein' someone stretched out like that. Dude, I would have freaked out. I think I did but it just struck a chord with me for a reason. And the reason is that...I don't know. I couldn't sit in that room for much longer.
• concealed • Man, it was just as bad as watching G laid up because of a shot wound. Not as tough but yeah. Nicky boy wasn't around and hoped he be there so I can talk to him about some shit. I know what he was doing for a long time. And saw why he freaked out because of calling some extra help off. That incident would have been avoided if she had eyes on her. The idea is sketchy anyway you look at it but these broads don't know what shit he or anyone in that position has to deal with. Hell if I know all the ins and outs. Close to knowing, I know what's at risk. People lurk all over wanting a shot to take someone down and they'll do anything remotely close to rubbing out a loved one. That's like a man's Achilles heel. I don't understand why that shit had me nervous for. Real nervous. It was possibly the proposition I was shown. Not that it was my idea...shit it was my idea in the first place. Making a quick buck is simple shit working for with Nic. It's not a simple task but the work is far more worthwhile than pushing papers for Dad. It's a drag day in and day out. Besides I don't know how long I can take being some cookie cutter 9-5 employee.
Then I thought about the position I'd be putting myself up in, whatever the job called for. I would have to worry hard about G, and Val. My kid sister included. They wouldn't know the difference anyways since I was doing menial shit while working for Pops anyways. It just wasn't as intense as it could be. I'm sure that extra fear will sit with me regardless if I was pushing papers or doing what else. I'd kill someone with my bare hands if something or anyone came at my family. That's just the way it is. No one would think that of me because of the way I carry myself around people. Though people don't know about the pool hustling, and the shit I got into when I was back in San Diego. I don't talk much about it nor share it even with my boy. It's small compared to the shit he probably has been into but the point being is, I'm thinking about this harder than it needs to be. There's a strong pull to keep it safe and be a good boyfriend and father. I think my kid seen a taste of what I could dish and that wasn't the bad part. I probably would change that scuffle in the parking lot but someone had to teach that stiff about manners, let alone speaking to my kid any way he could.
Not having it, holmes. I'm waiting for dude to come look for me to with the fuzz. Fuzz. Hahaha. That was a worry and I seen how G was worried for me coming home with a shiner. Fucking swollen knucks'. That wasn't anything compared to the other guy. He was a pussy about his, getting in that cheap shot. Gah. Point in this all is that some things are about to change. For the better, I can't say for sure. It just will change. You get tired of wearing the same doofy face all the time. Secrets and holding up another life of course I have to be secretive about it. That's bad but it's for the best. Always has been. This shit helped me get the bread to finance my apartment so quickly, and pay Nikki off, the not to mention help take care of G, and Val. Do they actually think that Dad would cut me some slack just because I'm his son? That man still is disappointed in me for my decisions thus far. I really think, honest to god he's quite disappointed in me being a father. More than he ever was to the both of his kids. Well now make it three. I need to meet up with my pal tomorrow morning for some meeting. Eghh. • end •
Give it another hour of classic Stooges, then I'm off to sleep. This show is hilarious because it just is. Curly was a fucktard to the highest degree. You know, being Batman was fun and all but I bet next year I can pull off being one of the stooges. Moe and his fucking bowl cut. Gah. Anywho. Early Merry Christmas to you losers, and have a good good nice damn night. I'm tired.
|
|
|
| POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER... |
[posted on November the 30th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Crappola & stuffed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Its My Life + Talk Talk | Beat On The Brat + The Ramones |
] |
I can sit back and write all I want about this, about that, and about then some. In reality, I really don't want to say much. Not with how my Thanksgiving went. In the past years, nothing happened on that day besides sit infront of the television. Cop all of the games, drink a few beers, or go wandering at someone else's house who did the same thing. Mom was never a domesticated diva. Never made effort in being one so you can't count how those went when I was living with her. Or when her and Dad were together. Shit is pitiful once you think about it. DYNOMITE! Hahah. Basically this time around I was handed that invite to go pile up on food at G's Pop's place. Man, that dude still fucking scares me. Ever since we were going steady back in the day, that man tried putting fear in me. Threats..but who could blame the man? I was dating his daughter and uh it only raised his awareness because of that one night on his couch? I mean my hands were where they shouldn't be but how can you not touch G???? It's a given. So for a long time he used to scare the bejeebus out of a young adult named Benji. Fun shit. I remember when we ran into eachother at the supermarket. Sheesh. Beeline to the frozen food market, I say. Off topic. Uh with most of this reuniting happening and uh the fatherhood shit going swell, I guess the old man isn't mad?
He's understanding the situation between G and myself. As long as he isn't threatening me with caving in my chest then it's allll gravy. Dinner was cool. George is hilarious but you want to know who's more fricking hilarious? My kid. Wow. I swear she's like a stand up genius. Given that George's date was a hot mess? Opps. Seriously the broad was a mess, but don't fill him with that. All was well. Food was great. We were just missing the lady of the hour. And I sort of had a feeling she would be late, given that it was her last night on the force. Who knows what would happen? Plenty can happen on any given night and moment. Trust me. I know about encountering danger on a nightly basis. Uh don't inquire about that. Please and thank you. Ahem. Have you ever ran with that feeling of some shit going bad when a simple phonecall comes through? Texting isn't the same but hearing trouble over the line raises my spidey senses until they want to explode. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! Importantly, I'm leaving to handle a situation that accounted for G not being at dinner.
· concealed · The phone call was just one of those things that set me up to react as if you are about to lose one of the important reasons why you've switched lanes in life. Just the idea of losing the woman to a bullet makes me ill. A nervous twit. Fidgety. Ready to go find her and yeah. What made shit worse was the call dropping. It just ended. What kind of idea is running through my head then? _________________________________________________________________ Fill in the big fucking blank. Anyone in my place would go leaps and bounds if they knew what danger that their uh loved one was in. Just the same shit could happen if I heard something happened to Val. Wow I would honestly bayonet someone in the gut if anything happened to her. The call was nothing close to being funny at all, but I know how G is. She didn't want me nor her family to worry what was happening and reason why she would be late for dinner. I don't think you'll be attending dinner at all after getting plugged by a bullet. Damn was a freaking out. Uh the wait was what slayed me until some nurse contacted me of her whereabouts.
WHATTTTTTT!!!!! All I thought about on the ride over to the hospital was that she had been further damaged than that weakened shot. What if it was multiple bullets? Or worse she never woke up? GAH. Yeah the hospital wasn't do well in changing my mind worse had happened. Including the roomate. Why the fuck was that guy's family all in my business for? Uh I almost mistakened the mummy for G and damn near lost it. I'm talking about shouting to the big guy upstairs wondering why remove one of the good things happening thus far in my life, only to be laughed at and mistakened. Yeah she was hoisted up in bed, cracking at me about to go into hysterics but sheesh. Give me a break. How would anyone act if their main squeeze was in bed with a blown out arm. Errah. Not blown out but, bad thought. Can't have people without full functioning arms and shoulders right? Shit, I need my arms and shoulders functioning. Off topic again. Where the hell was this going? Ah right. No. I forgot that quickly. Can't let her go. Not that way. Not any other way. It's just that plain for me. I had this brief discussion with the little sis and she thinks it'll be more one day.
That day may come sooner than expected. Wow. Shoot me in the foot, now. · end ·
UH no more cooking for me. I stink at it. Really bad. I'm telling you. Don't allow me near a kitchen. It might catch on fire. That was the extent of my weekend, excluding shopping. No way was I leaving my woman's side to go frolick with the grumpy patrons of Wal-Mart or any other retailer. Besides I'm cheap as fuck. Except for my kid. She can have anything she wants, besides a pony and another dog. The one that's at my place shits and pisses everywhere. Can't you learn to pick one spot to piss and shit? Why does it have to be in my slippers? Or on my pile of dirty clothes. Egh. I'm learning on how to be less messy but I'm used to someone picking up after me. Like my mom's maid. I remember her. She was hot. Oh uh right. My dad is heading back which I thought he was in town all that damn time only to be fooled. If I find out he and mom have been shagging? I'm puking because that shit is gross, man. EGH. Seriously don't do that. It's a fact that I'm giving up my blog about useless chatter. No purpose anymore. I'm too busy with other shit like taking care of my uh family? Sheesh, I have one of those now? Of my own? Somewhat and uh yeah. The sad part is, I need more in the next five years. Oh well look at the time. I have to go and play Dr. Benjamin Rush. Gooday. 5000
|
|
|
| I KNOW MY CALCULUS, U + ME = US |
[posted on October the 24th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Pooped |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ambitionz Az A Ridah + 2Pac |
] |
Today marks the twenty-motherfucking-fourth of October, two thousand and eight. It is I, Benjamin Elliot Rush ( don't laugh at the middle. It flows nicely so says G. ), who has been clean and sober of fake tits and beer. Wait a second. I still drink but not to the point where wake up in someone else's bed? It makes the best sense it can make. YAY! Go me, go me! My readers have given me slack for lagging behind on that blog of mines. All About The Benjamins. Gotta love it. I still do so, today during my bullshitting at work, I took out the wee little time to address my subscribers what has been going on in Benny's world. Quite sweet, don't you know. As random as that shit is, flicks were posted of the office. The smoking hot secretary that was just hired. 500 bucks was won over a pool us feature colleagues posted up to see what supervisor would lay out the broad. Her name is lost to me but I'll have you know she's a red head. Cal, Walter, and one more pal put up the money and guess what happened? She ended up blowing Carlos. I knew! I knew it. As if that was relevant to the now, which it isn't. A guy is happy he won 500 bucks. Good money. But I can easily rip off...errah. Wrong thought. Yeah, uh where was I going again? Ah ha! Working. Uhhhhh. I don't enjoy running errands for a lame friend of mine but I do. Then working for old man Rush. He's being fair these days and it might have something to do with him being hit with the father news as well.
This kid he has is some young girl who I don't know much about because the prick...he hasn't been that lately but the old bastard doesn't talk much about her. There is a guilty thing going on with him so there's less asshole avaliable. Gah I don't want to write about Dad. Nor talk about Mom. She's mad at me for some reason which I have no idea. It might be something along the lines of her being a Grandma and me not bothering to tell her? She's shallow to the point that all she cares about is what's best for her or what have you. Then I know she misses the hell out of me. Who wouldn't? I'm just that good of a person. I am stoked about going back to Cali sometime this winter. Gah winter. Who likes the winter, man? Blegh hate it. You know what else is a gripe? Standing in a long winding line at McDonald's drive thru, during the lunch rush. What's the point of having two windows when only one is in usage? I don't get it? But that's how it goes. Random blurb for the evening. The key to my apartment is finally in posession. Items from storage is all up in this biznatch! Sorry, but boxes lay everywhere. Three bedrooms. Enough to hold keg parties, and orgi...heh. Not that. One for me, one for my daughter, and one extra for guest. My guess is, little sis might find her way over here.
That's all fine with me because we've bonded. All of those years of being split up and only having time spent during the summers and holidays did damage to our brother sister relationship. I might have touched upon this one time but getting deep is being left for something else.
· concealed · Uh one night when I offered Gentry a night out, she got drunk and got back to her place. One thing led to another and we made whoopie. Hahaha! Ok seriously we got busy? Well that's what happened but that's not what should have happened? Nah it was what I wanted to happen but aside from that wanting to happen, I wanted to errah..Here's the deal. My selfish slacker ways were put to the side ever since I gave that word to be a permenant fixture in our kid's life. This is what has to be done. It just does. That is the thing about manning up. I'm all jiffy about it. I really am. Actually it brings me joy to know that some small version of myself looks up to me as her daddy. Awwwwwww precious moments. Yeah, yeah. Without any thought I've been doing right, getting in my time that isn't used to make sure the kid knows who I am. Learn to be a parent without anyone telling YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING PARENT, YOU DOUCHE!. No one tugged on my ear making sure it gets done. The right thing to do is to see that she and her mother are well taken care of. That is just want has to be done and I found myself not minding it. Even suggesting to Gentry to quit her job. Go back to school and let me help out.
Something with her and an incident would not sit nicely with me. If something happened to her on the force, really what would I do? What would Val do? Her father and brother, you know? So yeah I'm a caring guy that only wants what's best for her. Then the more time uh spending with the lady, those old surpressed feelings came back. I mean I thought they were left when the last day we saw eachother seven years ago. Nope not exactly. WOAAAHHH! Benji's getting emotional over here! Not exactly but I wanted to explain that maybe I never stopped liking the woman. No sirey bob. Gave her my word what it was how I felt and you know what? She was on the same boat. Yay! Yipee! Anyways uh I don't know what we are per se at this moment because maybe we weren't claiming the boo title as of yet. I'm not rushing her into being with the likes of me but it sure would be sweet if she gave me the signal. Can..damn maybe that key to her apartment speaks for itself then? Duh! I should marry that woman. Sike..wait. Do not let me screw this up, man. Errah subject change. · End ·
I want a free bag of boston baked beans, a big can of bud, and some cable so I can partake in the viewing of infomercials. A nightly ritual that has been my way of falling asleep. No it isn't porn. The net is hooked up, and the day will be spent setting up the rooms. Some work needs to be done in the bathroom because of the sink fixture being missing. How can a brand new apartment have fucking sink fixture missing? Sheesh. Air matress it is until the bed is built but the couch has been my bed for a while now. Ahhh comfy couches. Oh and someone else's bed too but I won't say any names. *WINK WINK* Hahaha. I'm tired. 5000
|
|
|
| Dinero for Daddy's Little Conning Princess |
[posted on September the 15th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Chilled out |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The New Pollution + Beck |
] |
Last night a DJ saved my life. Lastnight a DJ saved my life from a broken heart. Lastnight a DJ saved my life..Hahaha! Once again it is on. I have been training for my drink-a-thon with Killa Kam. If you find out that I've made my home in a hospital, please do not be worried. My stomach might have been pumped but I will survive. Egggghhh. When is this outing again? I might want to watch out so a fast one isn't pulled like I did with Nic. Damn I owe too much money. Have no fear...the old man's credit card is here! Amex is BOSS. What was the purpose of displaying these scattered thoughts? UH..anywho. Blockbuster told me to get the stepping, and fly a kite. So no more sitting in the back wasting company space by doing nothing when productivity was suppose to be done. More time to be a slacker until my decisions are made over whether or not Mr. Rush shall take that job with the old man or go play the chauffer to one whipped motherfucker who's name will remain anonymous. Ahem. My bad , dude I had to. As I were, free time means sleeping extra hours. Roaming the cold streets of Chicago, hanging out with G', and last but not least spending time with my replica which happens to be a little girl. Con artist at heart so please do not be swayed by the innocent face. Get ready for an awwww moment. ( Imaginary Thinking Cap Vice President and future CEO of ITC, inc ) BALLA! Random. Back to the kid. Yeah so we've been hanging out afterschool. Exchanging war stories, but this one failed to fill me in about that football incident. Kicking little boys. That's a good job but for the wrong occasion. We're going to be enduring a regimen of football skills. Condition the future athlete into a world class football player. Can you believe it? She likes football and basketball more than those fucking girly activities. Ballet? GAH. Not my kid. NOPES. Well she likes girly stuffs too. Wanted to go have a tea party. No I did not suggest it. Well...stfu. Aye, I'll find the best suit and tie. Ask one of my plush friends, Squirrely, Todd the Racoon, and Bertha the hungry hungry hippo to come along. I think Val might enjoy that. Basically this thing called being a father isn't so terrible than I had first initially thought. Nope. There is a pressure I must say. One to be a good uh rolemodel/father/the only male she needs to be worried about for now. Her mother and I have established the dating age. That's around forty. GAH. I feel like the Hulk when this cooties looking having young man tries walking my little girl to the car.
WAIT UNTIL THE FUTURE!!! I'm nervous about that really. What officially matters is that uh I have a will to stop being a broke ass bitch and grow up. Awww yeah, whatever. This is cool, man. It actually is. Haven't spilled the beans to old Mr. Rush because he has his own fessing up to do. Nikki, my good holy sister said the man fathered another child. Might have been during the marriage to Mom. So there is another sister around the US. Weird. She's a teenager so..that's weird. Can't say I can hate on the old bastard because he has game? Did you see his current girlfriend? NIKKI???? Woah. Nice. Sidetracking, so uhm. Well I need some bread to help take care of the apple of my eye. Aww hahah, damn that was real lame. Of course my own place again, and after all else my life will be set soon enough. All it takes is motivation, dedication, and something else that sounds inspirational. Well I might give up that fucking blog of mines. Has no true purpose except to share random shit that most times than not makes no sense at all. It usually doesn't which is just fucking sorry. Do not hate on that. New car or not? Exchange the Chevelle for some modern chop?
I'll ask my sidekick. We might go into the business of selling these neat thinking caps. Great for the kids. And the cost to the public? Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Zero. Nothing at all. That's the sweet thing about it. It comes in all colors, shapes, and fits. Matter of fact I've thought of a newest style to the collection but it's revealing won't be until the drafts are discussed with the VP of this shit. WORD! One thing you wish you had right at this very exact moment. Whatever it is, what would you do with it and why would you have went with doing whatever it is you planned to do with it? Stupid question but this writing shit is BOGUS. I need to step my game up to pull some new pussy. Opps. New..uh..company from an intelligent female counterpart. Is that really difficult to ask of? I know I'm a cheap S.O.B. but it is changing soon enough. I like to be economically reserved. Patented word, please do not steal. Thank you very much. I'm done with shiz. I'm out this jawnt. 5000
|
|
|
| Life Goes On In Benji's Neighborhood... |
[posted on September the 2nd] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Weighing out options |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
House Of Pain || Cali Sunshine ft. Bilal + Game |
] |
Hey I've been neglecting my blog about stupid unecessary shiz. I like that word. Shiz. Popeye's Chicken is the shiznits! Adam Sandler moment. That was a cool movie that one there. After something came up today I did that entry about Old bastard fathers. Heh. My subscribers all flocked to that post, crying like little bitches about their own dads and I blasted off on it all. Not to say, hate your pops. Only if there is a valid reason to do so. Dude, when I say that my hits jumped? They jumped. From five to ten. That's pretty sweet if you ask me. So I got the explaining about how to be one when just last week I automatically became a dad. All these years I've been one and just did not know it. Yes ladies I am a father. Yes you can still hit on me. Sike keep that all at bay. My focus has to go elsewhere. Sorry babes. Maybe I'll catch you on a weekend. Maybe. When uh I found out it hit me like a barrel of bricks being dropped on your pinky toe. Those darn things hurt like fuck. Stubbing your toe? The pinky one at that. Oh back to what I was explaining. Yeah so that's a conversation starter with the guys.
``So what's been hanging with you, Benny?`` Here I go giving Lucas a strange look before eying each and everyone of my homeboys. ``Well?`` Then I remain quiet. Give the occasional shrug and remain quiet again. ``Jous got some explaining to do?`` Then I give in and say, well um sheesh. Ran into an ex today. Remember so and so? Yeah her. She still got it, man. Woo wee. Not to mention I'm a dad. Cool right? They all look at me as if what I just said had been a joke. How can you joke about a matter like this? This isn't a game. YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? Nahh it isn't one but yeah they'll end up ragging on me. Bring up those god awful Maury jokes. You are not the father, and such. Yeah trust me, I've thought about all of that and it's crazy how hearing the news then actually seeing your girl version of yourself. A girl, man. A little girl. Awww yeah, right. It's adorable. Yah yah blahzy blah. I know. Already she has my heart. Awww precious moments. STFU. Aye' so where was I going with this? Well yeah how to go about this new phase of life? That news was the last bit to hit me after losing the good job, being evicted, and moving into your younger sister's home. Now things have to be done right in order for people, little person especially can have a nice secure life.
Mr. Rush doesn't know of this news. I'm hoping to fill him in since he has some news of his own. That was from Nikki's mouth. It could be bad, could be good, or it could be really absolutely fucking horrible.
· concealed · It has me wondering what this news could be if he wants us in the same area. Closed spaces. I haven't seen the man face to face since...a long time. But we've spoke on the phone. Not long but not too short either. We're not close and I blame that on the divorce that happened years ago. Unlike Nikki, I don't kiss up to the man. Not like I should be doing so but I need a job. One that can support me, and most importantly the kid that's been raised for six years damn near by her mom. G. Yeah we ended on a good note only because she wanted me to go on my way with the school situation but thinking back, I wish I would have kept her then. Wished someone back home would have found me and told me that she was having my kid. It would have changed me then. So for the past seven years I've been running around like a slob with nothing but different jobs, and slacking on them. Slacking on my macking too by the way. That day at the pier was nerve wracking. Real something, man. I was biting my nails to the cuticles. We were just kids back then. Grown kids. Hopping parties, the beach, breaking into my friend's house, and all types of crazy shit young kids do back then. Yeah so seeing her here in Chicago freaked me out.
Small world, and one which you have a kid in. She's six. Smart as hell. Likes football. Digs my thinking cap. Not to mention looks just fucking like me. Are you serious? How..that's a punishment right there. Nahh, I saw myself looking at her when we met up at Baskin Robbins. The sad thing is that she doesn't have a clue I'm her father but only knows me as her mom's friend. When do you sit down and tell a little kid some shit like that? ``Oh hey, Val? Guess what? No, not that. Right, no. I'm your father.`` She might kick me in the shins and run off somewhere. Most importantly give her mom the eye like what the fuck were you thinking about lady? I tried to be pissed off about it. I tried to say that it wasn't mine but something deep within...pansy moment. Something deep within told me this was the real deal. Situations back then happened the way the did in order for it to be the outcome of today. That is just the way life throws you for a loop. Deal with it and make the best of it, instead of falling on your ass repeatedly. Get back up. Do the right thing. Then show those who look at you that you are not a slacker. Terrible shit is that I chosed to be one. Look where it's gotten me? Right, now I don't know what else to do but to play by ear. Keep sticking myself in this kid's life so she can get used to the fact I'll be around.
It helps that she likes me. G' said she can't stop talking about me. And from that one meeting, the kid has me. Deep. Deep, man. Yeah but I can't help to think about G too. Weird as it is. She's a cop! 5-0! YOWZERS. A hot ass one too. But that's besides the point. Heh. I think my hustling ways have to be put to an end it seems. NOOOOOOO! I need..that's where I've been today. Attempting to earn some bread that I lost which had to be owed back. Yep. · end ·
Oh right I cleaned up too. Clean, baby. Clean and GQ'd. HOLLA AT ME! Hahah. It's late. I'm tired. I want some some you know. A beer maybe, and some top but. Right. That would be disrespectful to bring a broad into someone else's home who seems to steal your pick of the litter. That's cold game. I have to admit. Err right. Calling it. Blockbuster calls in the afternoon. I might copycat Kam and make up a new illness. Who needs a doctor note? Pssh. 5000
|
|
|
| I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT... |
[posted on August the 23rd] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I Kissed A Girl + Katy Perry |
] |
That I should like, and if I woke up one day and thought to myself, ``Self, when you kissed that smoking hot chicka last night did you enjoy it? Uh well..errahh..hmm. No?`` Then we have a problem houston. But naahahhhhhhh. That would never happen. This night was lame and the little mark ass sis let me, well is letting me stay in her place until things smooth over. Everyone this is my emo-esque moment. Please leave all comments until the end of this rant of sorts. Thank you the show will now commence. Yeah right so I lost my job holding doors, and helping little old ladies with their groceries. That's just the minimal of the job descript' but you get the drift. Sometimes those cougars would slip me their numbers and leave notes to meet them in their condo-- Man, that was a sweet paying gig. Even had a room up in that high rise condo thingimajig. That was my main source of income and poof! It went up in smoke. You want to know why? Simply because of my slacker ways. Instead of bullshitting at BLockbuster, I made the mistake to do it elsewhere, where the check mattered. A complete douche like move, man. It was lame of me but at the same time that job was boring. Guess it is believable I get bored with shit quickly.
So if I called up my old man and asked him for that job he's been dangling in front of my face for the longest, you think I would get bored there as well? That is the thing with me. I really do not know what the hell I should be involved in. School was suppose to be it but only finished two years and got bored with it. ACTUALLY, I enjoyed anthropology like studies but the real reasons are vastly personal. Not exactly, but it sounds nice saying it was uber personal. The many occupations under my belt are rediculous. So much that why don't I just quit working completely and live my life as a poor homeless man? Like Bartholomew. Everything that man holds dear to him in his simplest form is enough that.. wait wrong shit there so forget about that because I don't know what I was saying. You know what would be sick? Becoming a whore escort of sorts. You know escort the lonely females who need someone to tell them they're pretty and listen to them all the time. Occasionally bed them and get paid for it? PSSSHHHAW I am so there, man. But that might bore me after awhile, especially all that talk. Why do most females talk so fucking much? Spare me the unecessary details please? That's all I'm asking. Can I just know the general things? Do you really need to go into specifics? Only asking.
Was my move to Chicago well worth it? Even if there have been repeated attempts of doing something substaintial with my sorry excuse of an existence? Possibly not but my thoughts have left me pondering the endless possibilities of something else. One of those things are bad influences and that nightlife pull is heavy. Very persuasive that it pains my heart to the core. Which those few sentences above probably did not make sense, but don't rain down on my parade. Let me continue this writing bit. Thank GOD I paid off those Sony credit line. This VAIO is sweet, man. P00W! Vista sucks ass, btw. Back on track again. So this upcoming rant of words might have to go under a privacy warning like so:
· concealed · Sheesh, so I lost MASS AMOUNTS OF CRAZY BREAD to this guy who duped me, man. Like duped me so bad that he had me believe my own game was bigger and most badder--- badder isn't a word but the man had skill out of this world. Put me to shame. Stupid arrogance was let out the bag before I could contain it, which cost me a grip of paper. Enough that I put up the pot that my boys are fucking pissed at me. To the point that Lucas put a hit out on me. COME ON! We're bros why do that? ``It's just business, dude. Nothing personal.`` Sheesh I lied about that part but I owe someone else some bread and it's not my boys at all. It's this meanie who bullied me for my money. Sad shit it was to see. Very worse than when Felicia beat my ass in pool. Tied by the way but I am still awaiting that third round. Nice gal she is, hot too but you never heard that from me. AHEM. Back to this meanie who wiped the floor with my existence. It was a very tight five games and I blew my fucking savings. It was clearly that serious. Oh well. So I lost my main job, lost mass amounts of money, and lost my apartment. So I am a bum living temp' with my little sister who has things going for her. Where the hell did I end up on this side for?
You would want to think that being the eldest, that everything in my power would have been used to level myself up high. But nope, I wanted to stick it to the man. In this case the man was or is my old man. Thwap. SO to the point of it all, possibly I need to rethink my way of life. Give in, turn off this ideal of wasting away doing much of nothing only shit to get by when I can be this clean cut stud muffin who bags all the bitches, and has a nice nice sweet ass gig in the offices. I hate hand me outs, and the one DAD has offered is just that. Pfft. Take it or leave it? Really I just want the old fucker to be proud of me. Awwww I know sappy ass shit, man. Why does this hobag get all the praise? Well duhhh you douche she's doing something with her life. Boy I wish I was the only child sometimes. Enough, getting way too emo over here. · end ·
Dude, I'm tired and shit might just sleep away until the afternoon. Late afternoon that is. I hope Nikki isn't an early bird because I swear if she gets that man to call me for something stupid I'm breaking the phone. My baddie, it's late and I'm grumpy, stressed, and most of all saddened by the excuse I have become. Scene. Emo-esque moment over. WHERE'S THE PARTY AT? I need to find one soon and fast on the double. Possibly..hey how about this? Go ask for a little favor from one of my closest friends and see if there are any happenings coming up? Then I must contact uhh Holly? Right, errah sounds like a good plan. What, what? G'day/night shit whatever. 5000
|
|
|
| GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS I DO ADORE... |
[posted on August the 6th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
& hella bored, man |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Girls, Girls, Girls rmx // Fuck All Nite + Jay-Z |
] |
The next chick that I encounter, I will in deed try out a nice line. Will she take the bait and bite? Probably not, but it...wouldn't be so bad to try? I have a feeling she might cold clock me or worse knock me five times back with her purse. What the hell do you women keep in those things used as weapons? Guessing it's none of my concern, eh? Figures. Not that I want to know what's in the shit. Not that I care but to care if it endangers me or my manhood. Don't hurt me..please! Time to take a little trip through the first verse of this jawnt ( jawn + joint = jawnt ). <---- Sweet usage of this combo developed word. Before I further the exploration of this song, can I just say that Jay-Z is a nice dope emcee. I know. Some people would look at me quite funny. Even hold thoughts such as, ``The fuck this white boy know about Jay-Z?`` Trust me bro, I know much about S. Carter. Shawn Corey..etc. etc. etc. Thank you and believe me, my boys taught me well. Yes they have. Without further adieu I present you with the opening line, which I will use when laying my pimp mack game down on a broad. Ahem here it goes...:
Sup girl..Who you lovin, who you wanna be hugging, huh? Who you with, who you wanna be fucking?
After this you give her that look which says, come to me, now. How can you resist that line? What can you not do besides grow offended and strike me with a blunt object? Bad idea right? I think not. Pay attention. Like jiffy you can hit her with the next one. Which is part of the chorus not the first verse:
Yo put your number on this paper cuz I would love to date ya. Holla at ya when I come off tour...
You don't ask for the number, you tell her to put it on a piece of paper. Any piece of paper would be good. Old reciept from the back of your wallet, napkin, toilet paper, bathroom stall if you were in that facility at the time of encounter, or for you new age kids knock it out on the hiptop. If she does not give in? Think on your toes and with something quite clever. You can either go with the line I have been thinking about next or go totally one-eighty with the kill and say:
Who said what, why you trippin girl, why's you fussin?
Make her believe she was actually in the wrong for objecting to your innocent advances. Really all you want her to believe is that you need her number. Nothing more and nothing at all less. Just the info. Four-one-one. How ever you like to say it. Break it down to the type you are trying to get with or whatever you wanted to do. Ha. Someone will slay me, I know this already. Preferably I enjoy all types of ladies but pay attention to this:
I'm lookin for, southern girl that cook like Patti LaBelle. Big ghetto booty, scarf over doobie. Chanel under the louie, Gucci over booty. Vicki covered titties, attitude of the city. Pretty, witty, girly, whirly. One who likes to party but come home early. Light kinda dark, short sorta tall. Slim, kinda thick I swear I love 'em all...
If she is digging this? Basically you are letting her know that she will not be discriminated against no matter how she looks. Love 'em all, man. Accept her for what is right before you. That's sweet shit, man. I have a few more lines to go through but please do not be misleading. Never. Let her believe you are not the misleading type. Be honest and up front. With that being said, go with something like this:
I'm not a one girl's guy, and they know it. When it comes to love, I don't lie, and the girls respect me for it. Ain't gonna say my nose can't be open. Right now it's just too many fine ladies out there to choose one from..
Hopefully, dude she would respect you for your utmost honesty. Maybe she's not looking for commitment either. Who knows? Just let her know what you mean up front. Dude, you silly fucker. It's called dating not jumping into a long term situation, which could possibly lead to you being trapped due to you impregnating the broad or worse getting married. Only saying. Wow this is serious business to take notes on. If I lie, slay me with an arrow you call an insult. I wanted to go with one particular line to end it off or if you were in that negotiation to obtain that goal. It depends how the lady is at this point. The lass might be surprised for this one reels her in. Maybe not.
...Can't front just peep how I run mines. Ma, our time together is our time together, and uh. Our time apart is our time apart. So love Jay ( insert name or alias here, dipshit ) with your mind girl and not your heart. And some day I'll slow down...so put ya number on this paper. Holla at ya when I come off tour.
Give her hope, man. She might go for that, you know? Hope is all she needs to believe that uh you are all hers or..I lost my thought but you get the picture hopefully. Get it? Got it? Good shit. Wish me luck when I try this on a bevy of ladies this up coming weekend. If anyone hears about me being in the hospital? Blame this song and what the hell I was thinking about using the lines just to get in some broad's pants or skirt. Short shorts? Damn, Hooters is calling me. This weekend. Be there or be square. It. Darn. Damn. Stupid. Geek. You son of a bastard. No disrespect to my mother. I'm through with this bull. 5000
|
|
|
| Whistle while you work... |
[posted on August the 4th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Corona & Lime + Shwayze |
] |
This is unlike screwing around with my infamous ``All About The Benjamins`` blog. That piece of shat--shite--shit is just for kicks really. Is there a point when I have this jawnt? Jawnt that's right I said it. Snagged it from my friend, Royce. He's always making up words in hope it finds its way in the dictionary. Never in his dreams, I tell this guy. On to what I was getting towards. Yes, I run a blog. One that has nothing but random shit on it. Post up pics with people sitting at the bus stop digging in their ear. Comment about it. Ask questions about why that person was digging in their ear for gold. Why not the nose instead? The hits are slim but my base of dudes that don't do shit but browse the net for stupid stuff will grow eventually. Five people visit my blog on a daily basis. So what if they are people I work with. Some one should stop me from typing but I'm not tired right now. Been pushing my coffee grind, going balls deep. Nah, slept majority of the day because it's Sunday. Who doesn't sleep all damn day? One person might say, bro you're sleeping your life away. So what? I do what is best for me, not anyone else. If that means laying out all day and letting the time pass then so be it. I work. Provide for myself. And do other stuff. The parents think I should be elsewhere at this point in my life. CEO'n on you punk mark tricks. Ha, nah. It's dad. He's the one who had high hopes that I took my schooling to a greater plateau. Mom not so much or maybe she doesn't care?
They both expected that I was this college grad, working a sweet gig, and married with about two kids. It's a cool deal to be part of but they rode me my entire life. It should be because I am the eldest dumbfuck but why can't they slap the sense into the other one I'm related to? This isn't about her but more so about Benjamin. That be I. Benjamin Rush. The eldest child of mom and dad. Who really cares? I should talk about working my way into manager's position at Blockbuster, see as that I really do shit there but borrow the snacks. Or movies. No one seems to catch on at how much stuff I get away with. Dumbfucks. Man, I don't feel the need to speak about work. Let's face it. It pretty much sucks. Corporate is not my cup of tang. Blue collar work is what I am comfortable with but half the time, make that seventy-five percent of the time I despise doing that. I need a desk job where you sit on your ass all day playing mindsweeper on the computer. That's a nice gig right there. Nah, I'd like a job as a video gamer. Testing games all day and report to the game companies how much the program was filled with glitches and what not. Trust me, I tried signing up for it. EA turned me down bad. They were cold about it. You know what a cool gig would be? One of the sweetest jawnts that's going is doing those online surveys. If you got risiduals enough to take care of yourself and living expenses then that would be ideal for me. I don't have much to blabber about.
Unless you want to count that one time I slipped in this store in hopes of getting hurt. I could sue those people all because they hadn't put up a caution wet floor sign. Maybe getting into insurance scams is key. Ah yes, and con artistry. Pfft. This is terrible. Shows what a lazy douche I've became. It's for a greater purpose. One bigger than myself. I got tired and sick of everyone pinning me to be this perfect guy. The allstar jock. College bound athlete. The dean's list academic student on his way into grad school. So on and so forth. Bah, you can for get it. I should get faded for old times sake. Meet up with some old college buddies and get ballarific with it. Jokes. Bad one at that, but I'll have you know Chicago is not bad as I thought it would be. Can't say exactly why I left the west for the midwest. I miss the beach house. Not because it was free room and board, but because my sense of being was with the water. The waves. The beautiful ass women who surfed the waves to. That's where I met my ex. She had a spot in this heart, and one in the bed. I won't go there but the details are pretty nice, man. Ha. Maybe sleep is needed because none of this is making the best sense. Work tomorrow but not until in the late afternoon. Could sleep up until then but I might need to see about Nikki or whatever she calls herself these days. Again I won't mention her really when this is about BEN. BENJAMIN. You know what's way bitching? Accidently finding yourself negotiating a date when you were only trying to gather food on a last minute shop.
Supposedly this chick and I are to grab a bite to eat some days from now. I hope she's paying because my funds are short this week. Lost some money by being stupid on a bet. My pride won't let me ask of it from Dad, so I should arrive sloppy as fuck. Knock out the scruffy look and see if she'll feel sorry that I lost my job or worse was evicted from my apartment. Doubt any of that would happen because this girl isn't guilible. I wish. Do you know how easy it is to get over a guilible or dumb broad? This is a joke so all offended females please stay away. I was only joking. Man, I can use a brew right about now. Trying to cut out those carbs and get tight again. After moving out here I don't get out much unless it's just to bullshit. Instead of sleeping all day, I'll sign up for one of those gym memberships. Nice. Then again I don't want another dude in my space while I'm getting my work out in. Blabbering again so I'll jump back onto the blog thing again. The post before last was about a chronic illness some people contract. Nah it wasn't but let's pretend it was. Scratch. The post was about the Olympic games. Does anyone watch that borefest anymore? Explain to me if anyone does. I know people ride for our counry but I haven't caught the Olympics ever since Atlanta and reason why was because I was there or was I? I wasn't but we can pretend that I was. It seems lame to me that's all I wanted to say. I have a feeling I might get fired tomorrow. Strange how humans can sense things.
Give me the ability to sense how the day would turn out. If it is like today? I quit. Want to go back home and kick it around the beach. I can stay there all day or night. Depending on the weather. Slained for a moment while I think about all the fond memories. Blabbering again. Which means I should time this out and fall asleep. Soon as I dip set from this I need to make a cigarette run. 5000
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}